my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
