i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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