I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
