what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
