ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
