Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
