Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
