I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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