Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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