Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
