I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
