They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
