i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Randomize
