I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
