it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
