hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dicks are not precious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
