Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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