shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
