so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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