what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
