Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
