After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
