So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
