just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
