Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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