im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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