Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
