p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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