It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
