Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
