It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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