it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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