yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Still dying that you shit outside
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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