So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
