living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
