Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
