dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
