What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
