the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
