The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
