you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
