Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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