I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
