i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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