Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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