She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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