Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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