i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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