forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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