I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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