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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
