your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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