Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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